started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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