drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
