Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just cropdusted the office
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
