I love black thongs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
