Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
