Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
