Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
