I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
