so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's always time for handjobs
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
