There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
