woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
