My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
