hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
