He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
