Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
