Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
