Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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