If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
