living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
