Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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