he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
