brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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