1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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