chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
