are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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