after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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