chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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