i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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