so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
