worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
