I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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