Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
