Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
