Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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