you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
