I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
