Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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