My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
