Porn is love you can see.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
