I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
