You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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