Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
