I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
