Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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