I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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