On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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