girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
