AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
