I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
