Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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