Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize