I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
