I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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