I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
