dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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