I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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