i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
