we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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