Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
