we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
