1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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