Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
