the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
