It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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