I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Vodka?
Forever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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