I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
