??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
