I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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