I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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