Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
