Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
