I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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