oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
