Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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