I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We are all done wearing pants today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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