he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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