Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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