I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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