Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
