fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
