i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
