Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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