Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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