Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
